Most of you already know this, but in case you haven’t heard – I submitted the above photograph to The Pioneer Woman. She holds photography contests about once a month and this time the assignment was “LOVE”. Since thousands of people upload their images, I really didn’t expect her to pick mine. I think it’s a great photo, but I wasn’t sure she’d even SEE it, much less like it.

Turns out she did! It was featured on Day Four, and has made the top fourteen! The winner will be announced sometime on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed.

In case your interested, here’s a little background on the photo. First of all, it was taken several years ago when I was a student at Portfolio Center. I actually shot it with a 4×5 camera. The sun was going down and I dragged my camera and tripod, along with an extension cord and a hot lamp. This was PRE-digital and 4×5, so I didn’t have the luxury of shooting a lot of images. I had 4, maybe 6 sheets of film, that’s IT. So I had to insert the holder, lift the dark slide, hit the shutter, REPLACE the dark slide, and turn it over to do it again, all while checking my focus under a dark cloth. It was a lot of work.

This image just happened. That’s all I can tell you. Since I was living at home, my parents were frequent subjects. As I was taking the photo, my dad decided to plant one on my mom, and she laughed. It’s been a favorite of mine since I first saw the negative. It’s been a favorite of all most everyone. Everyone except my MOTHER.

Oh well. Between the 42 people who look at this site and the PW’s regular readers, only 1,000,042 people have seen it.

I’ll let you know how it does. Wish me luck!

For the past few years, there’s been a running narrative with the Yard Sale Ladies wherein they accuse me of driving too fast. They are very subtle about it, but I still catch on.

Me: Was that a Yard Sale sign?

Them: We can’t read at warp speed.

Never mind that I’m driving my mom’s Dodge Ram HEMI that shoots down the highway with the slightest pressure on the gas pedal. It’s my fault that we don’t find more yard sales! They can’t SEE the signs much less READ the signs. Or so I’d been led to believe. Then yesterday we had the following conversation.

Me: Do you guys see JD? He said he’d be in the Kroger parking lot.

Them: Isn’t that him right there?

Me: Where?

Them: Walking down that row of cars!”

Me: I still don’t see him. Right, left?

Them: That guy right IN FRONT OF YOU.

Me: Uh, ladies. That man is black.

Them. Oh. Well, we were just looking at the bald head.

I need a younger group of yard sale buddies.

Which is so NOT the case. My MOTHER is crazy.

The UPS man already thinks I drink. Just because I come to the door in my robe at two o’clock in the afternoon does NOT mean I drink. And the empty beer bottle in my hand is for my cigarette ashes. Don’t judge me.

Anyway, the point is that the mailman chose THIS day to leave my mail on the front porch. And my mother chose THIS day to buy six naked mannequins and dump them on the front porch.

Coincidence? I don’t think so. Mother 1, Me 0. It’s going to be a long weekend.

A few weeks ago I blogged about a new fashion trend – high heels for men. Then today I read this article which says a third of adults still sleep with a stuffed animal.

And 25 per cent of men polled said they took their teddy away with them on business because it reminded them of home.

What the heck? My dad could kill a bear. My husband can COOK a bear. Now chances are my son-in-law will SLEEP with a bear? Poor MoonPie. How is she going to know WHO to marry? What if that boy she thinks is all THAT ends up sleeping with his Mr. Snuggles? I guess we’ll just have to watch and wait. But if he wants to register at Build-a-Bear, the wedding is OFF.

The other day I found a coupon for cookies which made them about 25 cents. I grabbed a couple of packages off the shelf without really thinking, and tonight decided to make them for dessert. I took ONE bite and immediately grabbed the camera. These things need to be broadcast far and wide!

The have chocolate filling inside! Yumola.

I was trying to take a picture of the inside to show you how yummy they looked when I dropped it on the floor.

I sat there looking at it for a full 8 seconds, trying to decide if I could somehow still eat it. Finally, I threw it in the trash.

As far as you know.

MoonPie had a riding lesson today, so I invited her BFF Jemi to tag along. JD came too, specifically, to take pictures. But then he didn’t. It might have had something to do with the fact that it was 102 degrees. Anyway, with just a few minutes left, I finally took charge and made him go bring ME the camera. Ok, I made him bring me the camera, turn it on, adjust the settings and make sure it was focused. But I chose the subject!

I’m convinced we could make a million bucks off this kid if her mother would just let us. I’m all like, “She should be a super-model,” and her mom is all like, “She should be a doctor.” Hello? Doctors don’t date rock stars!

Yeah, I think I’ve made my point.

I went to Verizon today. It took them 45 minutes to wait on me. FORTY-FIVE minutes. I’ve had doctor exams done quicker. The point is, as I sat there stewing, watching the employees take personal phone calls and go on break, I REALLY wanted to throw something.

Unfortunately I didn’t have a beer bottle with me. I would have been ALL up in somebody’s face.

As it was, I had to be content with taking down the corporate office address. They can expect a STERN letter.

Doesn’t really have You Tube potential. Bummer.

So there’s this blogger, this FAMOUS blogger, who hangs out in Hollywood and writes ugly gossip about celebrities. About a year ago I read that the ad revenue from his site is over $100,000 dollars a MONTH. A few weeks ago, there was a rumor that he’d been offered $10 million dollars for his blog. $10 million dollars for writing snarky gossip about celebrities. He can get that much because of all the “hits” on his website. Sometimes he gets over a million in one day! I guess a lot of people want to hear about celebrities.

Every now and then I’ll get the urge to look over MY stats, to find out how people find there way to this blog. I can see what “keywords” they searched to find this site. Without fail, the number one post that brings people here is a lame one I did about Fergie and the NFL. It might have something to do with the fact Fergie is posing in her underwear.

I apologize for that. I’ve learned my lesson. No amount of money is worth me writing UGLY things about celebrities, or posting photos of them in their lingerie.

I will only post NICE things about fully-CLOTHED celebrities.

This is going to be awesome. I’m pretty sure we can almost live on $100,000 per month.

If you have read Part ONE of my “How To” on installing a pool liner, and STILL want to continue, seriously, you should look into counseling. Or at least medication. But if you insist – here’s what’s next.

After you’ve hung the liner, the next step is to vacuum out the air that resides BEHIND the liner. This is supposed to help the liner fit better against the wall and reduce wrinkles. In fact, the instructions say that you shouldn’t begin to fill with water UNTIL all of the wrinkles are gone.

Here’s JD preparing to insert the shop vac hose behind the liner. We have several bags of sand because once you begin filling the pool, the water pulls the liner down and can cause sagging. The sand bags would be put into the shallow end to help hold it in place.

Okay, shop vac is in place with tape around it to create a seal. I’m going to be honest here. Even after DAYS of suction, our liner had wrinkles, DEEP and numerous wrinkles. In fact, if our liner had a face, it would look like this:

It’s true. It’s almost as if we measured wrong or something, like we mistakenly wrote down that our pool is 4 ft deep in the shallow end instead of 3. What’s strange is that LAST time we replaced the liner, it was almost too SMALL. Measuring may have a more important role than first thought.

Whatever. It’s 97 degrees out, so on we went.

Begin filling the pool until it’s about 2 feet deep. This is the point where you put on the bottom drain gasket. I really have no idea what I just said, but it’s what my husband said he did, so there you go. Then put the circulatory gaskets in place. Again, just typing gibberish.

The last step – fill the pool. It took us about four days but we didn’t run the hose 24/7. We did TRY to smooth out the wrinkles a bit, and the weight of the water helped some, but there are wrinkles you could trip over if you aren’t careful. The good news is we didn’t need to use the sand after all. More for the sandbox!

It’s not perfect but it HOLDS WATER! Whoo Hoo. The final test was having a couple of pool professionals check our work, make sure we’re up to code, etc. and so on.

Thus far, we’ve had no complaints.

Today I told my husband that this relationship wasn’t working and that I thought we should see other people. Then I remembered we were married and that whole break-up thing was no longer possible. Okay, NOT that I really wanted to be single, but I was making a point that people act differently during the courtship. And by “people”, I mean him.

Then I noticed my shoes.

No single woman would ever wear these. No single woman who had any interest in dating a MAN would wear these. I’m going to go shopping asap for a cuter pair, something a single girl would wear.

Here’s a cute pair, casual enough for the lake without looking like I work at the marina selling fish bait. I’m sure JD would be happier if I wore these. In fact, I feel like I OWE it to him to buy them. $264.00 is a small price to pay to keep the marriage fires burning.