MoonPie: God DID give me a spirit of fear.

Me: No, God did NOT give you a spirit of fear.

MoonPie: Then why did he create lions in the first place?

Me: MoonPie’s teacher seemed nice.

JD: I’m starting to freak out about public school.

Me: WHY?

JD: I know private school had cliques, but they were small. There are probably GANGS of kids in public school!

Me: Dude, she’s in 3rd grade. I’m pretty sure the only gangs allowed are Brownies.

Me: Am I your favorite girl?

MoonPie: Yes!

Me: Am I your best friend?

MoonPie: The BEST!

Me: Am I your favorite parent?

MoonPie: Almost.

Love is difficult to explain.

Cousin RimFire: You don’t get to pick who we’re going to marry. WE get to pick who we marry.

Me: But I’d pick someone great for you based on faith, intelligence and personality. You’d just pick the first boy that stole your heart.

Cousin RimFire: Ewww. Why would I want someone who stole my heart?

MoonPie: Mom? Why aren’t you answering me?

MoonPie: MOM? WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME?

MoonPie: MOM!

Me: Huh? What?

MoonPie: Why aren’t you answering me?

Me: Does the fact that I’m lying horizontally in a bed with my eyes closed give you a clue?

For a homeschooled kid, she can be awfully unobservant.

On my back porch, early morning:

JD: You look beautiful this morning.

Me: I’m SURE I do.

JD: No really, I wish I had my camera.

Me: So, go get it. I want to see just how lovely I look.

JD: Seriously?  Ok, wait here.

(Goes to get camera. Shoots several pictures.)

Me: OK, let me see them.

JD: You mean now? But they haven’t been processed.

Me:  ”PROCESSED”? You mean like Photoshop? I thought you said I looked BEAUTIFUL.

JD: Well, you know. I look at the whole picture.

Me:  You are so beautiful.

MP:  Yeah, I am.

Me: Hahahaha

MP: I didn’t mean to say that. I meant to say, “You can say that again.”

Me: I looked at the plane’s seat assignment. I’m on the aisle.

JD: That’s good, but the window is better if you crash.

Me: WHAT?

JD: If you crash out, the window is better.

Me: Why do you think I’m going to CRASH?

JD: Oh. Perhaps I should have said “sleep” instead.

Me: Ya think?

Bedtime for the MoonPie

MP: Goodnight.

Me: Why are you sleeping in your glasses? Are you trying to see your dreams better?

MP: BAHAHAHAHAHAHBAHA

Me: BuhHAHAhAHAHAHAH

MP: I’m getting up. I HAVE to tell Daddy.

A few minutes later.

MP: Hmmph. He didn’t laugh at all.

Me: Some people have no sense of humor.

Me: Did you get in trouble for being 30 minutes late for school today?

MoonPie: No, I told my teacher that it was all Daddy’s fault.

Me: What did she say?

MoonPie: She gave Daddy her mean face. You know that face you made when you found out we hadn’t done any of our homework? It was like that.

Me: What does my mean face look like?